tips

Quarantine Glow Up: God Heals

March 31, 2020April 20, 2021encouragement, Faith, Healing, hope, tips, Uncategorized2 Comments

This is a picture from a photo shoot I did with my friend Athena right before the Covid-19 quarantine became increasingly strict.

We had done a previous photo shoot together almost exactly this time last year and somehow; despite all of the madness going on in the world right now, there was a distinct sense of peace over our shoot this time.

“Girl, I just feel different this time. I feel really good; just like settled,” I told her.

She laughed and said, “it’s probably because you’re so well rested because there’s nothing else to do!”

This could be the case. While some of us are working during this time like nothing happened, that’s not my story and it’s not many other people’s story; all of the work and projects I had booked are postponed until further notice.

So, what to do? There’s a lot of things we can focus on during this time. I see lots of people talking about their #quarantineglowup in a physical sense and I am all for that.

I am always an advocate of trying to look our best and if we’re privileged enough to have the luxury, why not use this time to jump even deeper into our beauty, wellness and fitness regimes since time allows for it.

But there’s another glow up that is worthy of our focus as well; a spiritual one.

I was praying last night about some deep stuff; stuff from like playground years. The kind of stuff you know you should get to the bottom of but it’s always super hard, annoying and painful to go there.

Frankly, it’s something I am irritated that I’ve had to seek such constant healing about over the years and I struggle to get to where I feel totally at peace with it. I don’t like the process; it’s uncomfortable, ugly and painful.

Last night through a very simple conversation with God, he dropped something new into my spirit about the situation that was seemingly small but somehow brought me to new dimensions of understanding…it brought a significant level of new healing.

I realized that this isn’t meant to quick. It’s meant to be a process and sometimes it’s going to look worse before it looks better.

This idea of “worse before better” can be like what it is like when we go to an actual spa.

I think we can all agree that most beauty treatments have us looking pretty crazy mid-way through.

When we’re getting scrubbed down and exfoliated our skin looks red, splotchy and irritated but that is the process it takes to remove the dead skin cells to reveal fresh, soft and glowing skin.

When we’re in the process of getting a pedicure, our feet look like we’ve been kicking bricks as we sit there, polish free and mid-callous removal.

When we get our hair colored, we spend a big chunk of the time looking like aliens with aluminum foil protruding from our heads like futuristic antennas.

Not only do we look way less glamorous than we are used to; sometimes we are also more open and susceptible to harm during these times of extreme beauty renovation.

I remember when I used to go to this infrared sauna placed in Hollywood and they would tell me after each session to be careful because at this time my pores were super open.

Due to this, my skin would be more prone to ingesting toxins in the environment, the dirt, the pollution and anything I let get close to my skin while my pores were so open.

Likewise, spiritually when we’re going through this process, we are open and exposed. I’ve learned that Jesus is literally the perfect person to know what to do with us in these moments and we can trust Him in our uncomfortable and vulnerable state.

Just like all my girls know, lotion never applies as smooth and skin never radiates as brightly as it does after you properly exfoliate, steam and apply a mask.

Similarly, spiritually, as you go through the intensive and often lengthy process of opening up and getting brutally honest with God you begin to enjoy the glow that only all of the time spent deliberately surrendering to that process can produce.

And the same way that a nail spot won’t charge you and throw you out into the streets mid-manicure in your unfinished state; God won’t do that either.

“And I am certain that God, who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:6).

He’s patient with us and walks with us through our entire process until it is complete.

All of the hair and nail salons may be closed right now but the spiritual spa is always open and the owner is always available throughout the day and into all hours of the night. He is a gentleman and if you come close to Him, He will come close to you (James 4:8).

This may not get you the blatantly obvious Instagram-type glow up gains but the gains earned will be gains where it’s most important. The benefits will far exceed any likes on social media.

xoxo,

Danielle

End of the year cleanse: detoxing from limiting beliefs

December 16, 2019encouragement, Faith, Healing, tips, UncategorizedLeave a Comment

My 6-year-old self in the polka dot dress with the pink belt. At my childhood friend’s Birthday party where a clown told me to sit down, November 1994.

The end of 2019 is rapidly approaching and I am, as I assume many of us are, reflecting on this past year; the struggles and the triumphs. As I take inventory and put everything from this year into perspective, one thing I realize I want to leave behind in 2019 are all of my limiting beliefs.

A limiting belief is a restrictive thought or idea that we accept as truth which holds us down and can cripple us in our efforts to achieve all that we are meant to. Limiting beliefs are often formed through past experiences and can feel extremely difficult to overcome.

Here I will share two limiting beliefs I have identified in my own life and two ways I am purging them from my system. The examples I chose to share here are intentionally drawn from light-hearted experiences; my objective with this isn’t to dive deep into my and other people’s more disturbing past personal traumas but instead just to show that even these innocent and seemingly insignificant examples still produced powerful limiting beliefs; so how much greater are the effects of the darker experiences we’ve had? God help us to heal from all of the experiences which have hindered us, whether big or small.

Two of my limiting beliefs:

“It’s okay for everyone else to step out and go for it…but not you”

I can vividly recall an experience at my friend’s 5^th birthday party where there was a clown giving out balloon animals. The clown was going down the rows of children and distributing the balloons to each child in the order we were sitting in but at a certain point kids just started jumping up randomly and taking other kid’s balloons before it was their turn. The clown and everyone else laughed as each of these kids intercepted the kid who should have been next. After 2 or 3 kids jumped up and received their balloons before their rightful turn, I thought it would be fun to join in. I jumped up and expected to receive a balloon and also the laughs just as the children before me had. However, by the time I hopped up, the clown was over it and sternly said to me, “okay now that’s enough, sit down” and refused to give me a balloon until the end. So instead of the light-hearted response the other kids had received, when I stepped out I was met with a harsh response and I had no context to understand why but the message that was firmly implanted in my head was “it’s okay for everyone else to step out and go for it…but not you.”

Winning first place in the Field Day Race. I am the little one all the way to the right. Rock Springs Elementary School, March 1996.

“You aren’t allowed to win or outshine others”

I remember as a little girl I enjoyed running; and I was fast! I was so fast that I actually took home the ribbon for winning first place in the race portion during our Field Day activities my first grade year. I remember I knew I was a good runner and I was proud of that and unafraid to give it my all during the race. However, after I won the race that day, I remember something unexpected happened. Instead of feeling excited and accomplished, I remember an intense feeling of guilt washed over me. While I don’t remember if there were specific words that were spoken to me to put me down, I do just remember feeling extremely ashamed that I won. I felt that by my achievement, I was indirectly communicating to the other kids that I felt I was somehow better than them and that made me feel discomfort due to the fact that I had overshadowed them. The belief that was formed around that experience was “you aren’t allowed to win or outshine others.” When I got a little older and began pursuing acting I carried this mindset into audition situations even having the conscious thought that I would almost prefer someone else to get a role instead of me because if I beat them, I didn’t want them to feel inadequate. I actively fought against my conflicting desire to want to book things and my strange inclination to feel more comfortable loosing to someone else so I wouldn’t make them “feel bad” or so they wouldn’t secretly dislike me for winning something over them.

So how am I washing away these limiting beliefs?

1. Re-examining past situations.

It has helped me to pick apart the situations of the past as an adult in the present day, looking at them and explaining them back to myself and seeing the reality of the situation; what happened and what it actually meant. That clown wasn’t trying to single me out but was just likely frustrated and trying to maintain order and do his job to the best of his ability. The kids who lost to me in the Field Day Race may have felt disappointed but that doesn’t change the fact that I earned the win that day; fair and square. There was nothing to feel bad or ashamed of.

2. Holding my limiting beliefs up against the word of God.

After I became a believer and I learned about all of the promises of God: God has a plan for us and His plans for us are good (Jeremiah 29:11), He can strengthen us (Philippians 4:13), He gives us new chances every day (Lamentations 3:22-23), He tells us to be brave and promises He will never leave or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6) I began to realize that a lot my limited beliefs just had to go. I came to realize that this God I was beginning to know and trust is way more patient with me than I am with myself and that it’s okay to be imperfect; if I try my best and fall down, I’m encouraged to get back up. I am allowed to step out; to shine.

So, what are some of your limiting beliefs? Let’s examine them and get to the truth behind them so we can shake off the outdated lies and enter into 2020 lighter and full of a new hope for all of the beauty this new year will bring ❤

xoxo, Danielle

For all of the encouragers out there: six ways I stay fueled up to love others

November 25, 2019November 25, 2019encouragement, Faith, Healing, tips, UncategorizedLeave a Comment

Stopping to smell the roses in Colorado Springs, September 2015.

In one of my recent Instagram stories I asked if anyone had any requests for topics and someone submitted a wonderful one that myself and likely many others can relate to. They wrote:

“The weight of giving; it can be draining and unrewarding, depending on how people react or acknowledge it. How do you balance that?”

This topic reminds me of this time a few years ago when I felt really let down by a friend of mine. One day I was hiking Griffith Park and wrestling with how poorly I felt she had treated me when I felt like I had only ever gone out of my way to be a really good friend to her. When I reached the top of the mountain, in the stillness overlooking the city, I felt a question being posed to me: “if your ‘niceness’ is dependent on how kind other people are to you, how ‘good’ or ‘nice’ are you really?” I felt like this sounded like something Jesus would say so I did some research and sure enough it was:

“If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much” Matthew 5:46.

The experience with that friend was painful but I feel like God used it to take me on a journey of learning to navigate the fun and sometimes difficult road of trying to be a giver and encourager in a dark and confusing world. I am by no means perfect at this but here are a few things that help me immensely to keep on keeping on.

Six ways I stay fueled up to love others:

Embrace my #Extra. When I first became a Christian, I didn’t totally know what to do with myself. I was used to living life with no brakes and going “all in.” I thought, “what is something healthy I can go ‘all in’ with now?” One day, a verse in Galatians caught my eye: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law” Galatians 5:22-23.

The “against such things there is no law” part really stood out to me. So, when I didn’t know what to do with myself, I would go hard in joy. I aggressively pursued peace both internally and externally. I would challenge myself to be more patient, kind and loving. I began celebrating the victories of those around me and would try to make even the tiniest special occasion elaborate and fun. People recognized my passion and excitement and started calling me “extra” so I just radically embraced this and ran with it. Today I look up and I am surrounded by friends who also like to celebrate life like no other which has made the journey all the sweeter.

2. Accept that pain and vulnerability are just the price tags of caring. When I first opened my heart to Jesus I felt like I was suddenly stripped of all of my defenses. There was a sudden shift inside of me where I found myself naturally growing into a more sensitive, tuned-in person, aware of and caring about the emotions and experiences of the people around me. I have heard before that you can’t selectively numb emotions; trying to keep the bad out has a way of keeping the good out too and I feel like I’ve learned that first-hand. The more you are open and care the more you are susceptible to hurt and that is just the way it is.

3. Be consistent with self-care. It’s very hard to pour out of an empty cup. I check-in with myself multiple times throughout the day and make sure I am taking care of my own needs mentally, physically and emotionally.

4. Spend time with God. When I stay filled up spiritually by spending time with God, I find myself more naturally feeling loving and patient towards others. The days when I make it a point to immerse myself in prayer, journaling, worship and reading the Word there is a protective container around my heart that empowers me to keep going even when things feel really hard.

5. Tease out the details and create boundaries accordingly. I have begun to notice there are three components present in whatever I’m dealing with: my feelings/actions/reactions, the other person’s feelings/actions/reactions and then the communal space of the situation between us. Trying to own my truth and also allowing them to own theirs while using boundaries to respectfully manage how much I want to give, say, etc. in the shared space between us allows freedom and authenticity in the vast majority of situations.

6. Evaluate my actions and stop taking things so personally. Am I giving just to get? We are all human so it’s hard to do things completely selflessly but trying to make sure that I’m doing things just because I want to regardless of the response has helped me a lot. The majority of people are just caught up and trying to manage their lives the same way I am and things are rarely personal. Easing up off myself and others has taken an immense weight off of shoulders. As one finite being, there’s only so much I can do for anyone and only so much anyone else can do for me.

What is your perspective on seeking to do good and what helps you keep going when it feels difficult?

Regardless of people’s reactions or the disappointments along the way, please continue to give. The world needs what you have ❤

xoxo, Danielle

Five tips for approaching and getting to know the girl who seems like she doesn’t need a man

October 26, 2019Dating, Healing, relationships, Singleness, tips, UncategorizedLeave a Comment

Southworth Ferry on a trip to Seattle, October 2014.

“Some guys look at a girl who seems to have everything together and think ‘where would I fit in?’ For a lot of guys that can be intimidating.”

This is only one comment from a series of recent conversations I’ve had with male friends echoing the general sentiments about feeling like they can’t win with women.

It hurts my heart to see decent men frustrated and discouraged and with this post I hope to empower and encourage. The following are my tips and my own unique perspective on this topic through the eyes of a girl who seems like she doesn’t need a man.

Know that when you approach her she most likely views you as an annoyance and a distraction. This is less likely to be the case if she got to know you gradually over time in a neutral environment such as work, through a friend or common interest group of some sort. However, if you are cold approaching her, know this is likely what she is thinking. I’m not condoning this mindset and on behalf of my own missteps and for every stank-eye you’ve ever received, I am sorry. A woman may genuinely just not currently be in the right headspace to get to know a man for various reasons or may simply not be interested in you specifically. When I’ve felt this way it is usually because I interpreted the man’s approach as a demand on my time, energy, body, mind and heart; all things I hold closely and when you’re in a good place, it can feel like adding someone new into the mix could be a potential threat to all of those things.
But be honest with yourself: do you bring with you a lot of unresolved tendencies that could actually translate into unnecessary trouble for her? We are all a work in progress and she’s definitely not perfect whatsoever but reflect on where you are: do you have boundaries, standards, passions and purposes of your own? Do you have a healthy degree of self-awareness and willingness to work through your own weaknesses? Are your intentions towards her as just a fellow human being good? If you’ve reflected on these points and you have a reasonable level of confidence, be brave and go for it. In the initial approach just be self-assured and don’t overthink it too much; just treat her like a person.
Don’t worry about putting on a show, just focus on bringing value. If this girl has been on her own for a while, takes care of herself and has a full and vibrant life I can imagine that a man may wonder if there’s any space for him. She may be perfectly content on her own but there’s one thing that she for sure doesn’t have; you. This is an invitation to dig deeper. Everyone has blind spots and things that can only be ignited in them through interacting with another person. This will be different for every woman but examples of bringing value could be: you have a different point of view from hers; bring it to the table. Gently challenge her to expand her mind and think in a way she previously hadn’t. Be an active part of her growth. Help her in practical ways and encourage her towards her goals. Welcome her to bounce ideas off of you and allow your masculine perspective to be a resource available to her as she navigates situations. Be an asset and not a liability in her life. Also allow yourself to open up enough to accept and enjoy reciprocity as it will likely be her desire to add value to your life as well.
Be flexible but maintain your backbone. She most likely is a genuinely busy person so your respect of her time and schedule will mean the world to her. She may be working through subconscious defense mechanisms or old patterns and that may require patience and understanding on your part as you build mutual trust. However, don’t allow her busyness to be an excuse for flakiness or her working through her issues to be an excuse for a lack of control over her emotions. A sign she is in a healthy place to get to know you will be her possessing a collaborative partner-type mentality coming from a place of humility where she will actively seek to understand things from your point of view. You will sense that your preferences and feelings are not only important to her but openly embraced and welcomed at the table.
Be patient, go slowly and don’t take things personally. If for example you offer help with something and she’s hesitant or refuses to accept, don’t take it as rejection. Accepting help from someone is an act of vulnerability because “what if he doesn’t come through?” Again, allow that mutual trust to build and see if she is more receptive to what you offer and in going to a deeper level with you. Going slow is for your sake too; your time and heart are worthy.

Truth be told, just because a woman can function without a man doesn’t mean that she doesn’t want one. Men, I hope these words have helped to dismantle the lies that you are disposable, unnecessary afterthoughts and have been replaced with the truths that you are valuable, important and yes, you are wanted.

Single for the First Time (My Story, part 2)

October 8, 2019April 26, 2021Faith, Healing, Singleness, tipsLeave a Comment

First time in San Francisco with one of my best friends, a few weeks into my process in September 2015.

This is a part 2 to the post where I covered the immediate steps I took the first few weeks after breaking my constant pattern of relationship/situation-ships.

Part 2 is perhaps more practical and applicable, covering some of the intentional things I did that helped set the stage for a fresh start and helped open the door to a new life.

I listened primarily to ambient music only. Ambient music is a collection of flowing rhythms and beats, usually without any lyrics. This genre sparked my interest because I didn’t want to listen to music that would be suggestive to my subconscious and lead me to dwell on negative emotions. I believe the power of music is strong and I didn’t want to be subjected to receiving repetitive themes of missing someone, being lonely, wanting someone back or just wanting love in general. This strong boundary I created around the music I allowed myself to consume helped me immensely and enabled me to relax into the healing power of music without absorbing the intense emotions artists are capable of imparting through their words.
I poured my energy into cultivating things of beauty. At the time I had just moved into a new apartment, which was essentially a blank canvas at the time. I literally started out with nothing other than a blow-up mattress and I was excited to dive deep into the entire experience of turning my new space into a home. I ended up creating an oasis of tranquility which I still cherish to this day. I drew inspiration from Pinterest and took my time; enjoying many little trips browsing stores for things that would help me create the laid-back, cozy and inviting vibe I desired. I also did a ton of cooking and baking during this time. I have always enjoyed being in the kitchen but during this time, the calming and fun process of learning how to make new and yummy creations felt extra therapeutic, enjoyable and empowering. I also did a lot of totally meticulous, mind-numbing art projects just for enjoyment and mental distraction. I went to the art store one day and dropped about $100 on paint, blank canvases, different fabrics, materials and textures. I made sure each project consisted of mindless activity that wasn’t too much to focus on yet was tedious and would keep my brain occupied instead of allowing it to wander wherever it felt like. I made a room divider completely from scratch out of hemp string among several other things and I was super proud of my little creations.
I cleansed myself of any items tying me to the past. One morning I woke up at around 5 am and got the strong urge to get rid of everything from the past. Letters, pictures, and even certain pieces of lingerie just had to go. I got McDonalds breakfast before the sun came up and drove through the hills until I reached one of my favorite look-out points on the top of Mulholland Drive. I sat on the hood of my car admiring the view and the quiet of the morning. After moments of contemplation and knowing that this chapter was finally closed, I dumped everything into the trashcan up there just as the sun began to rise over the city. This wasn’t done from an emotional or spiteful place but more because I knew deep down it was just the right thing to do.
I journaled prolifically. I have always enjoyed writing and have kept journals since I was a teenager. During this time the deepest thoughts, experiences and questions I had to the most mundane details of my day; it all went down on paper. And I loved every moment of it.
I went on sweet adventures with the people I love. I allowed myself to be captivated by the wonder of new environments. Most memorably during this time, I spent time with one of my best childhood friends exploring San Francisco for the first time. I also took a spontaneous day trip with one of my girlfriends down to San Diego where we marveled at the beauty and majesty of La Jolla.

I look back at this time with such fond memories. It was a time of taking chances; walking bravely into the unknown and encountering some of my deepest fears but ultimately finding out that everything was okay; it was actually way better than just okay. We were created to be far more resilient than we think we are.

Now you tell me! What are some of the experiences you’ve had after ending a relationship(s) or just making a major change in your life? What are your fears, struggles, triumphs? I love you, believe in you and I’m cheering for you to win ❤