hope

Walking collectively with a limp: Life halfway through 2020

June 26, 2020June 27, 2020encouragement, Faith, Healing, hope, Uncategorized2 Comments

Walking. Vancouver, Canada. Summer 2016. Photo credit @jen_yeager

The Year of 20/20 Vision. Perfect Focus. Clarity.

Towards the end of 2019, the year 2020 was being prophesied about enthusiastically.

“This is going be my year,” many people felt.

For me, 2019 was a year of great leaps. It was the year I happily began sharing my story of the radical transformation that God has done in my life and connecting with others in the hopes of encouraging them that they can overcome anything.

It was also the year I felt ready to open my heart romantically again after about 3 ½ years of not dating whatsoever.

I learned so much in 2019 and grew in ways I never anticipated.

However, the very end of 2019 hit me like a series of unrelenting tidal waves: a handful of personal relationships ended, an event team I loved cut the program I worked on and my family rang in 2020 with the funeral of my brother’s best friend all the way since childhood who passed away tragically and unexpectedly on New Year’s Day.

At the start of 2020 I didn’t write very much because honestly, I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to uplift others and yet my own faith was hanging on by a thread.

I just thank God so much for work. Having an extremely full schedule during this time softened the blows of this season and forced me to keep walking forward; although literally every step I took, it felt like I was limping.

As I wrestled daily through my own feelings of sadness and hollowness, I was in communication with several friends who began confiding in me about their own bumpy starts to 2020: deaths on top of deaths, rejections, traumas and setbacks.

It felt like a dark cloud hovering over what was supposed to be such a great year.

Around March I finally began to feel strong again and that’s when “2020” as we know it thus far truly hit. And it just kept on hitting:

World-wide pandemic. Shut-down. Uncertainty. Sickness. Death. Racism and racial injustice brought unignorably to the forefront.

I was on church Zoom calls where stories of sicknesses and deaths of family members were a sad reality. I attended a Zoom funeral.

I’ve listened as several of my closest black friends and family members opened their hearts on a whole new level. They have been vulnerable enough to let me into their sacred spaces of pain and elaborate on the true depths and realities of their own experiences of the indisputable, blatant and repeated racism they have faced throughout their lives.

I’ve felt the worries and sadness of close friends who have brothers and husbands who are in law enforcement and who are genuinely some of the good guys.

I’ve spoken with friends with pre-existing anxiety and depression who have felt driven to the edge due to months of isolation and uncertainty.

Mass job losses and relocations. Passions, plans and dreams put on hold; indefinitely.

It’s been a season of almost all of us coming face-to-face with the unpredictable, uncontrollable, harshest and darkest realities of life.

Six months into 2020 and it feels like the entire human race is collectively limping.

Sitting in contemplation of all of this makes me wonder: what if the truth is that we’re always limping but we just don’t notice it until times are desperate?

What if the way that this time is affecting almost all of us in some kind of profound way is just evidence of the fragility of the human condition?

Maybe we are always this delicate but life going on as normal allows us the illusion of feeling somewhat in control.

In reality, we’re always just a phone call away from things never being the same.

One heart beat away from facing the inevitability of our own life slipping away.

But what if 2020 really is the year of 20/20 vision after all; maybe just not in the way that we thought?

Isaiah 55:9 says “For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”

While our original goals for 2020 may have been noble, maybe God’s priorities for this year are even higher.

Maybe through the midst of our collective pain He wants to heal us and simultaneously refine and guide us to grow in strength, endurance, hope and humility and expand our capacity for empathy and compassion.

Maybe He wants to deal with us individually and guide us to right our wrongs, challenge our mindsets and bring all of the things that are really important to the surface.

Marinating on all that life has thrown our way this year and everything that has been laid-out in front of us, I think #goals for the second half of the year would be to slowly progress from limping to walking in power and righteousness as described in Micah 6:8:

“The Lord has told you what is good, and this is what He requires of you; to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.”

I hope as you finish reading this you receive peace to endure your present circumstances and a sense of renewed strength to walk boldly into your future.

I also hope we don’t all move on too quickly from remembering how it feels to be so collectively shaken. I hope and pray that our hearts stay soft enough and our minds stay open enough to continue to contemplate life; where we’ve come from and where we are going ❤

xoxo,

Danielle

Single in Quarantine: Reflections on Proverbs 31:12

May 6, 2020April 20, 2021UncategorizedLeave a Comment

Just hanging out. Vancouver, Canada. Summer 2016.

It’s an interesting time for almost everyone right now and perhaps a particularly unique time to be single.

In times like this, sometimes it can feel kind of like you’re just floating in the world and there can be a temptation to relax your standards or entertain things you normally wouldn’t.

It’s kind of like how it feels senior year during finals week when you have completed all your exams but you still have to go to school. Behavior is lax because “it’s not like it’s a ‘real’ school week.”

The same way it feels like what’s happening in the world isn’t quite real.

A few times in quarantine I’ve found myself mentally entertaining scenarios that I normally would shut down immediately and not even explore. For a split second the “but God, it’s not a real school week” mentality invaded my consciousness.

I think it’s the uncomfortable stagnancy of the present and the ambiguity of the future that can allow us to forget about the big picture.

This post is for anyone who is feeling pulled in directions they know they shouldn’t go and under normal circumstances wouldn’t even have the desire to go.

My hope is that it will encourage you to focus back on the path and to remind you that the decisions we make in our love lives now hold just as much weight as ever and to empower you to make the right ones for your future, even now.

Today I was on my daily walk and a verse from Proverbs randomly popped into my head:

“She brings him good, not harm all of the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:12).

This verse is essentially explaining some of the qualities of a good wife.

Immediately after the verse popped into my head, I heard the words “that doesn’t have to start when you meet the person, that can be right now.”

“ALL of the days of her life.”

Even these days. These groundhog days. These endless hours of whatever-you-choose-to-fill-them-with days.

The decisions we make now are just as important now as any other time. Are we making decisions right now that will ultimately bring our future husbands or wives good and not harm all of the days of their lives?

Right now, it may feel okay to entertain that random text message or let that person come over because times are strange but how will this affect the very thing you’ve been having faith for; for possibly years now?

Hebrews 11:1 Defines faith as “the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

In this season it feels like a lot of things are unknown and unseen but as always, the only person I can control is me. I can’t control God’s timing or if He has someone for me or not and let’s be real; in life that’s not a guarantee or a promise, period.

In my situation, I believe that God does have someone for me but even if it doesn’t happen, my intention is that I live a life where I set myself up in the best position to receive the love I desire and make proactive choices to get there.

It is important to me that my heart position is pure; to wait for the right man and to set my life up even in singleness in a way that I am a blessing to Him when our paths do cross. This is not passively waiting. This is action-based and I like that.

Like any other dream, you do what you know to do, don’t give up and continue working towards it in faith.

Whatever this means for you in your own particular situation, you know.

Perhaps the most common barrier is the concept that the seat next to you can’t be open for the right person if it’s being occupied by the wrong person; whether that means you’re actually physically with someone you know in your heart isn’t the right one or someone is inappropriately taking up so much space in your thoughts that you might as well be with them.

I know no one wants to hear that but I’m not telling you something I haven’t personally gone through myself and if you need help walking away from someone or something feel free to message me and I’m happy to listen and encourage you through it.

Sometimes it’s hard to believe that better exists in a culture where we’re bombarded with examples that show hook-ups, short attention spans and fickleness as the norm. But those are lies.

I remember when I was in the heights of my experimental days and I was making super interesting choices in my love life.

My mom would tell me, “Danielle, you can do so much better.”

I would respond, “okay, show me better then!”

I had lost hope that better existed and on top of that I was impatient so it was easy to settle in my heart that what I was coming across was all there was and accept almost any kind of treatment.

However, I have witnessed that there are still plenty of people out there who desire and are ready to build a healthy, fun, flourishing and life-giving relationship and are happy to commit to work to continue to growing that connection in marriage.

If you start to doubt this, consider any real-life examples you know of healthy (but of course not perfect) couples and cling tightly to those and don’t let go.

It doesn’t matter if it’s 2020 and the general consensus is that this type of love doesn’t exist anymore. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever (Hebrews 13:8) and He is still all about relationships that take place within the safe and supportive environment of lifelong commitment.

He, himself is a God of honesty, of loyalty, of covenant. He knows what you need in every season of your life. Pandemic or not, it’s still okay to be bold, counter-cultural and crazy enough to trust Him completely with your love life.

xoxo ❤

Danielle

Quarantine Glow Up: God Heals

March 31, 2020April 20, 2021encouragement, Faith, Healing, hope, tips, Uncategorized2 Comments

This is a picture from a photo shoot I did with my friend Athena right before the Covid-19 quarantine became increasingly strict.

We had done a previous photo shoot together almost exactly this time last year and somehow; despite all of the madness going on in the world right now, there was a distinct sense of peace over our shoot this time.

“Girl, I just feel different this time. I feel really good; just like settled,” I told her.

She laughed and said, “it’s probably because you’re so well rested because there’s nothing else to do!”

This could be the case. While some of us are working during this time like nothing happened, that’s not my story and it’s not many other people’s story; all of the work and projects I had booked are postponed until further notice.

So, what to do? There’s a lot of things we can focus on during this time. I see lots of people talking about their #quarantineglowup in a physical sense and I am all for that.

I am always an advocate of trying to look our best and if we’re privileged enough to have the luxury, why not use this time to jump even deeper into our beauty, wellness and fitness regimes since time allows for it.

But there’s another glow up that is worthy of our focus as well; a spiritual one.

I was praying last night about some deep stuff; stuff from like playground years. The kind of stuff you know you should get to the bottom of but it’s always super hard, annoying and painful to go there.

Frankly, it’s something I am irritated that I’ve had to seek such constant healing about over the years and I struggle to get to where I feel totally at peace with it. I don’t like the process; it’s uncomfortable, ugly and painful.

Last night through a very simple conversation with God, he dropped something new into my spirit about the situation that was seemingly small but somehow brought me to new dimensions of understanding…it brought a significant level of new healing.

I realized that this isn’t meant to quick. It’s meant to be a process and sometimes it’s going to look worse before it looks better.

This idea of “worse before better” can be like what it is like when we go to an actual spa.

I think we can all agree that most beauty treatments have us looking pretty crazy mid-way through.

When we’re getting scrubbed down and exfoliated our skin looks red, splotchy and irritated but that is the process it takes to remove the dead skin cells to reveal fresh, soft and glowing skin.

When we’re in the process of getting a pedicure, our feet look like we’ve been kicking bricks as we sit there, polish free and mid-callous removal.

When we get our hair colored, we spend a big chunk of the time looking like aliens with aluminum foil protruding from our heads like futuristic antennas.

Not only do we look way less glamorous than we are used to; sometimes we are also more open and susceptible to harm during these times of extreme beauty renovation.

I remember when I used to go to this infrared sauna placed in Hollywood and they would tell me after each session to be careful because at this time my pores were super open.

Due to this, my skin would be more prone to ingesting toxins in the environment, the dirt, the pollution and anything I let get close to my skin while my pores were so open.

Likewise, spiritually when we’re going through this process, we are open and exposed. I’ve learned that Jesus is literally the perfect person to know what to do with us in these moments and we can trust Him in our uncomfortable and vulnerable state.

Just like all my girls know, lotion never applies as smooth and skin never radiates as brightly as it does after you properly exfoliate, steam and apply a mask.

Similarly, spiritually, as you go through the intensive and often lengthy process of opening up and getting brutally honest with God you begin to enjoy the glow that only all of the time spent deliberately surrendering to that process can produce.

And the same way that a nail spot won’t charge you and throw you out into the streets mid-manicure in your unfinished state; God won’t do that either.

“And I am certain that God, who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:6).

He’s patient with us and walks with us through our entire process until it is complete.

All of the hair and nail salons may be closed right now but the spiritual spa is always open and the owner is always available throughout the day and into all hours of the night. He is a gentleman and if you come close to Him, He will come close to you (James 4:8).

This may not get you the blatantly obvious Instagram-type glow up gains but the gains earned will be gains where it’s most important. The benefits will far exceed any likes on social media.

xoxo,

Danielle

End of the year cleanse: detoxing from limiting beliefs

December 16, 2019encouragement, Faith, Healing, tips, UncategorizedLeave a Comment

My 6-year-old self in the polka dot dress with the pink belt. At my childhood friend’s Birthday party where a clown told me to sit down, November 1994.

The end of 2019 is rapidly approaching and I am, as I assume many of us are, reflecting on this past year; the struggles and the triumphs. As I take inventory and put everything from this year into perspective, one thing I realize I want to leave behind in 2019 are all of my limiting beliefs.

A limiting belief is a restrictive thought or idea that we accept as truth which holds us down and can cripple us in our efforts to achieve all that we are meant to. Limiting beliefs are often formed through past experiences and can feel extremely difficult to overcome.

Here I will share two limiting beliefs I have identified in my own life and two ways I am purging them from my system. The examples I chose to share here are intentionally drawn from light-hearted experiences; my objective with this isn’t to dive deep into my and other people’s more disturbing past personal traumas but instead just to show that even these innocent and seemingly insignificant examples still produced powerful limiting beliefs; so how much greater are the effects of the darker experiences we’ve had? God help us to heal from all of the experiences which have hindered us, whether big or small.

Two of my limiting beliefs:

“It’s okay for everyone else to step out and go for it…but not you”

I can vividly recall an experience at my friend’s 5^th birthday party where there was a clown giving out balloon animals. The clown was going down the rows of children and distributing the balloons to each child in the order we were sitting in but at a certain point kids just started jumping up randomly and taking other kid’s balloons before it was their turn. The clown and everyone else laughed as each of these kids intercepted the kid who should have been next. After 2 or 3 kids jumped up and received their balloons before their rightful turn, I thought it would be fun to join in. I jumped up and expected to receive a balloon and also the laughs just as the children before me had. However, by the time I hopped up, the clown was over it and sternly said to me, “okay now that’s enough, sit down” and refused to give me a balloon until the end. So instead of the light-hearted response the other kids had received, when I stepped out I was met with a harsh response and I had no context to understand why but the message that was firmly implanted in my head was “it’s okay for everyone else to step out and go for it…but not you.”

Winning first place in the Field Day Race. I am the little one all the way to the right. Rock Springs Elementary School, March 1996.

“You aren’t allowed to win or outshine others”

I remember as a little girl I enjoyed running; and I was fast! I was so fast that I actually took home the ribbon for winning first place in the race portion during our Field Day activities my first grade year. I remember I knew I was a good runner and I was proud of that and unafraid to give it my all during the race. However, after I won the race that day, I remember something unexpected happened. Instead of feeling excited and accomplished, I remember an intense feeling of guilt washed over me. While I don’t remember if there were specific words that were spoken to me to put me down, I do just remember feeling extremely ashamed that I won. I felt that by my achievement, I was indirectly communicating to the other kids that I felt I was somehow better than them and that made me feel discomfort due to the fact that I had overshadowed them. The belief that was formed around that experience was “you aren’t allowed to win or outshine others.” When I got a little older and began pursuing acting I carried this mindset into audition situations even having the conscious thought that I would almost prefer someone else to get a role instead of me because if I beat them, I didn’t want them to feel inadequate. I actively fought against my conflicting desire to want to book things and my strange inclination to feel more comfortable loosing to someone else so I wouldn’t make them “feel bad” or so they wouldn’t secretly dislike me for winning something over them.

So how am I washing away these limiting beliefs?

1. Re-examining past situations.

It has helped me to pick apart the situations of the past as an adult in the present day, looking at them and explaining them back to myself and seeing the reality of the situation; what happened and what it actually meant. That clown wasn’t trying to single me out but was just likely frustrated and trying to maintain order and do his job to the best of his ability. The kids who lost to me in the Field Day Race may have felt disappointed but that doesn’t change the fact that I earned the win that day; fair and square. There was nothing to feel bad or ashamed of.

2. Holding my limiting beliefs up against the word of God.

After I became a believer and I learned about all of the promises of God: God has a plan for us and His plans for us are good (Jeremiah 29:11), He can strengthen us (Philippians 4:13), He gives us new chances every day (Lamentations 3:22-23), He tells us to be brave and promises He will never leave or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6) I began to realize that a lot my limited beliefs just had to go. I came to realize that this God I was beginning to know and trust is way more patient with me than I am with myself and that it’s okay to be imperfect; if I try my best and fall down, I’m encouraged to get back up. I am allowed to step out; to shine.

So, what are some of your limiting beliefs? Let’s examine them and get to the truth behind them so we can shake off the outdated lies and enter into 2020 lighter and full of a new hope for all of the beauty this new year will bring ❤

xoxo, Danielle