Faith

Walking collectively with a limp: Life halfway through 2020

June 26, 2020June 27, 2020encouragement, Faith, Healing, hope, Uncategorized2 Comments

Walking. Vancouver, Canada. Summer 2016. Photo credit @jen_yeager

The Year of 20/20 Vision. Perfect Focus. Clarity.

Towards the end of 2019, the year 2020 was being prophesied about enthusiastically.

“This is going be my year,” many people felt.

For me, 2019 was a year of great leaps. It was the year I happily began sharing my story of the radical transformation that God has done in my life and connecting with others in the hopes of encouraging them that they can overcome anything.

It was also the year I felt ready to open my heart romantically again after about 3 ½ years of not dating whatsoever.

I learned so much in 2019 and grew in ways I never anticipated.

However, the very end of 2019 hit me like a series of unrelenting tidal waves: a handful of personal relationships ended, an event team I loved cut the program I worked on and my family rang in 2020 with the funeral of my brother’s best friend all the way since childhood who passed away tragically and unexpectedly on New Year’s Day.

At the start of 2020 I didn’t write very much because honestly, I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to uplift others and yet my own faith was hanging on by a thread.

I just thank God so much for work. Having an extremely full schedule during this time softened the blows of this season and forced me to keep walking forward; although literally every step I took, it felt like I was limping.

As I wrestled daily through my own feelings of sadness and hollowness, I was in communication with several friends who began confiding in me about their own bumpy starts to 2020: deaths on top of deaths, rejections, traumas and setbacks.

It felt like a dark cloud hovering over what was supposed to be such a great year.

Around March I finally began to feel strong again and that’s when “2020” as we know it thus far truly hit. And it just kept on hitting:

World-wide pandemic. Shut-down. Uncertainty. Sickness. Death. Racism and racial injustice brought unignorably to the forefront.

I was on church Zoom calls where stories of sicknesses and deaths of family members were a sad reality. I attended a Zoom funeral.

I’ve listened as several of my closest black friends and family members opened their hearts on a whole new level. They have been vulnerable enough to let me into their sacred spaces of pain and elaborate on the true depths and realities of their own experiences of the indisputable, blatant and repeated racism they have faced throughout their lives.

I’ve felt the worries and sadness of close friends who have brothers and husbands who are in law enforcement and who are genuinely some of the good guys.

I’ve spoken with friends with pre-existing anxiety and depression who have felt driven to the edge due to months of isolation and uncertainty.

Mass job losses and relocations. Passions, plans and dreams put on hold; indefinitely.

It’s been a season of almost all of us coming face-to-face with the unpredictable, uncontrollable, harshest and darkest realities of life.

Six months into 2020 and it feels like the entire human race is collectively limping.

Sitting in contemplation of all of this makes me wonder: what if the truth is that we’re always limping but we just don’t notice it until times are desperate?

What if the way that this time is affecting almost all of us in some kind of profound way is just evidence of the fragility of the human condition?

Maybe we are always this delicate but life going on as normal allows us the illusion of feeling somewhat in control.

In reality, we’re always just a phone call away from things never being the same.

One heart beat away from facing the inevitability of our own life slipping away.

But what if 2020 really is the year of 20/20 vision after all; maybe just not in the way that we thought?

Isaiah 55:9 says “For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”

While our original goals for 2020 may have been noble, maybe God’s priorities for this year are even higher.

Maybe through the midst of our collective pain He wants to heal us and simultaneously refine and guide us to grow in strength, endurance, hope and humility and expand our capacity for empathy and compassion.

Maybe He wants to deal with us individually and guide us to right our wrongs, challenge our mindsets and bring all of the things that are really important to the surface.

Marinating on all that life has thrown our way this year and everything that has been laid-out in front of us, I think #goals for the second half of the year would be to slowly progress from limping to walking in power and righteousness as described in Micah 6:8:

“The Lord has told you what is good, and this is what He requires of you; to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.”

I hope as you finish reading this you receive peace to endure your present circumstances and a sense of renewed strength to walk boldly into your future.

I also hope we don’t all move on too quickly from remembering how it feels to be so collectively shaken. I hope and pray that our hearts stay soft enough and our minds stay open enough to continue to contemplate life; where we’ve come from and where we are going ❤

xoxo,

Danielle

Quarantine Glow Up: God Heals

March 31, 2020April 20, 2021encouragement, Faith, Healing, hope, tips, Uncategorized2 Comments

This is a picture from a photo shoot I did with my friend Athena right before the Covid-19 quarantine became increasingly strict.

We had done a previous photo shoot together almost exactly this time last year and somehow; despite all of the madness going on in the world right now, there was a distinct sense of peace over our shoot this time.

“Girl, I just feel different this time. I feel really good; just like settled,” I told her.

She laughed and said, “it’s probably because you’re so well rested because there’s nothing else to do!”

This could be the case. While some of us are working during this time like nothing happened, that’s not my story and it’s not many other people’s story; all of the work and projects I had booked are postponed until further notice.

So, what to do? There’s a lot of things we can focus on during this time. I see lots of people talking about their #quarantineglowup in a physical sense and I am all for that.

I am always an advocate of trying to look our best and if we’re privileged enough to have the luxury, why not use this time to jump even deeper into our beauty, wellness and fitness regimes since time allows for it.

But there’s another glow up that is worthy of our focus as well; a spiritual one.

I was praying last night about some deep stuff; stuff from like playground years. The kind of stuff you know you should get to the bottom of but it’s always super hard, annoying and painful to go there.

Frankly, it’s something I am irritated that I’ve had to seek such constant healing about over the years and I struggle to get to where I feel totally at peace with it. I don’t like the process; it’s uncomfortable, ugly and painful.

Last night through a very simple conversation with God, he dropped something new into my spirit about the situation that was seemingly small but somehow brought me to new dimensions of understanding…it brought a significant level of new healing.

I realized that this isn’t meant to quick. It’s meant to be a process and sometimes it’s going to look worse before it looks better.

This idea of “worse before better” can be like what it is like when we go to an actual spa.

I think we can all agree that most beauty treatments have us looking pretty crazy mid-way through.

When we’re getting scrubbed down and exfoliated our skin looks red, splotchy and irritated but that is the process it takes to remove the dead skin cells to reveal fresh, soft and glowing skin.

When we’re in the process of getting a pedicure, our feet look like we’ve been kicking bricks as we sit there, polish free and mid-callous removal.

When we get our hair colored, we spend a big chunk of the time looking like aliens with aluminum foil protruding from our heads like futuristic antennas.

Not only do we look way less glamorous than we are used to; sometimes we are also more open and susceptible to harm during these times of extreme beauty renovation.

I remember when I used to go to this infrared sauna placed in Hollywood and they would tell me after each session to be careful because at this time my pores were super open.

Due to this, my skin would be more prone to ingesting toxins in the environment, the dirt, the pollution and anything I let get close to my skin while my pores were so open.

Likewise, spiritually when we’re going through this process, we are open and exposed. I’ve learned that Jesus is literally the perfect person to know what to do with us in these moments and we can trust Him in our uncomfortable and vulnerable state.

Just like all my girls know, lotion never applies as smooth and skin never radiates as brightly as it does after you properly exfoliate, steam and apply a mask.

Similarly, spiritually, as you go through the intensive and often lengthy process of opening up and getting brutally honest with God you begin to enjoy the glow that only all of the time spent deliberately surrendering to that process can produce.

And the same way that a nail spot won’t charge you and throw you out into the streets mid-manicure in your unfinished state; God won’t do that either.

“And I am certain that God, who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:6).

He’s patient with us and walks with us through our entire process until it is complete.

All of the hair and nail salons may be closed right now but the spiritual spa is always open and the owner is always available throughout the day and into all hours of the night. He is a gentleman and if you come close to Him, He will come close to you (James 4:8).

This may not get you the blatantly obvious Instagram-type glow up gains but the gains earned will be gains where it’s most important. The benefits will far exceed any likes on social media.

xoxo,

Danielle

End of the year cleanse: detoxing from limiting beliefs

December 16, 2019encouragement, Faith, Healing, tips, UncategorizedLeave a Comment

My 6-year-old self in the polka dot dress with the pink belt. At my childhood friend’s Birthday party where a clown told me to sit down, November 1994.

The end of 2019 is rapidly approaching and I am, as I assume many of us are, reflecting on this past year; the struggles and the triumphs. As I take inventory and put everything from this year into perspective, one thing I realize I want to leave behind in 2019 are all of my limiting beliefs.

A limiting belief is a restrictive thought or idea that we accept as truth which holds us down and can cripple us in our efforts to achieve all that we are meant to. Limiting beliefs are often formed through past experiences and can feel extremely difficult to overcome.

Here I will share two limiting beliefs I have identified in my own life and two ways I am purging them from my system. The examples I chose to share here are intentionally drawn from light-hearted experiences; my objective with this isn’t to dive deep into my and other people’s more disturbing past personal traumas but instead just to show that even these innocent and seemingly insignificant examples still produced powerful limiting beliefs; so how much greater are the effects of the darker experiences we’ve had? God help us to heal from all of the experiences which have hindered us, whether big or small.

Two of my limiting beliefs:

“It’s okay for everyone else to step out and go for it…but not you”

I can vividly recall an experience at my friend’s 5^th birthday party where there was a clown giving out balloon animals. The clown was going down the rows of children and distributing the balloons to each child in the order we were sitting in but at a certain point kids just started jumping up randomly and taking other kid’s balloons before it was their turn. The clown and everyone else laughed as each of these kids intercepted the kid who should have been next. After 2 or 3 kids jumped up and received their balloons before their rightful turn, I thought it would be fun to join in. I jumped up and expected to receive a balloon and also the laughs just as the children before me had. However, by the time I hopped up, the clown was over it and sternly said to me, “okay now that’s enough, sit down” and refused to give me a balloon until the end. So instead of the light-hearted response the other kids had received, when I stepped out I was met with a harsh response and I had no context to understand why but the message that was firmly implanted in my head was “it’s okay for everyone else to step out and go for it…but not you.”

Winning first place in the Field Day Race. I am the little one all the way to the right. Rock Springs Elementary School, March 1996.

“You aren’t allowed to win or outshine others”

I remember as a little girl I enjoyed running; and I was fast! I was so fast that I actually took home the ribbon for winning first place in the race portion during our Field Day activities my first grade year. I remember I knew I was a good runner and I was proud of that and unafraid to give it my all during the race. However, after I won the race that day, I remember something unexpected happened. Instead of feeling excited and accomplished, I remember an intense feeling of guilt washed over me. While I don’t remember if there were specific words that were spoken to me to put me down, I do just remember feeling extremely ashamed that I won. I felt that by my achievement, I was indirectly communicating to the other kids that I felt I was somehow better than them and that made me feel discomfort due to the fact that I had overshadowed them. The belief that was formed around that experience was “you aren’t allowed to win or outshine others.” When I got a little older and began pursuing acting I carried this mindset into audition situations even having the conscious thought that I would almost prefer someone else to get a role instead of me because if I beat them, I didn’t want them to feel inadequate. I actively fought against my conflicting desire to want to book things and my strange inclination to feel more comfortable loosing to someone else so I wouldn’t make them “feel bad” or so they wouldn’t secretly dislike me for winning something over them.

So how am I washing away these limiting beliefs?

1. Re-examining past situations.

It has helped me to pick apart the situations of the past as an adult in the present day, looking at them and explaining them back to myself and seeing the reality of the situation; what happened and what it actually meant. That clown wasn’t trying to single me out but was just likely frustrated and trying to maintain order and do his job to the best of his ability. The kids who lost to me in the Field Day Race may have felt disappointed but that doesn’t change the fact that I earned the win that day; fair and square. There was nothing to feel bad or ashamed of.

2. Holding my limiting beliefs up against the word of God.

After I became a believer and I learned about all of the promises of God: God has a plan for us and His plans for us are good (Jeremiah 29:11), He can strengthen us (Philippians 4:13), He gives us new chances every day (Lamentations 3:22-23), He tells us to be brave and promises He will never leave or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6) I began to realize that a lot my limited beliefs just had to go. I came to realize that this God I was beginning to know and trust is way more patient with me than I am with myself and that it’s okay to be imperfect; if I try my best and fall down, I’m encouraged to get back up. I am allowed to step out; to shine.

So, what are some of your limiting beliefs? Let’s examine them and get to the truth behind them so we can shake off the outdated lies and enter into 2020 lighter and full of a new hope for all of the beauty this new year will bring ❤

xoxo, Danielle

For all of the encouragers out there: six ways I stay fueled up to love others

November 25, 2019November 25, 2019encouragement, Faith, Healing, tips, UncategorizedLeave a Comment

Stopping to smell the roses in Colorado Springs, September 2015.

In one of my recent Instagram stories I asked if anyone had any requests for topics and someone submitted a wonderful one that myself and likely many others can relate to. They wrote:

“The weight of giving; it can be draining and unrewarding, depending on how people react or acknowledge it. How do you balance that?”

This topic reminds me of this time a few years ago when I felt really let down by a friend of mine. One day I was hiking Griffith Park and wrestling with how poorly I felt she had treated me when I felt like I had only ever gone out of my way to be a really good friend to her. When I reached the top of the mountain, in the stillness overlooking the city, I felt a question being posed to me: “if your ‘niceness’ is dependent on how kind other people are to you, how ‘good’ or ‘nice’ are you really?” I felt like this sounded like something Jesus would say so I did some research and sure enough it was:

“If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much” Matthew 5:46.

The experience with that friend was painful but I feel like God used it to take me on a journey of learning to navigate the fun and sometimes difficult road of trying to be a giver and encourager in a dark and confusing world. I am by no means perfect at this but here are a few things that help me immensely to keep on keeping on.

Six ways I stay fueled up to love others:

Embrace my #Extra. When I first became a Christian, I didn’t totally know what to do with myself. I was used to living life with no brakes and going “all in.” I thought, “what is something healthy I can go ‘all in’ with now?” One day, a verse in Galatians caught my eye: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law” Galatians 5:22-23.

The “against such things there is no law” part really stood out to me. So, when I didn’t know what to do with myself, I would go hard in joy. I aggressively pursued peace both internally and externally. I would challenge myself to be more patient, kind and loving. I began celebrating the victories of those around me and would try to make even the tiniest special occasion elaborate and fun. People recognized my passion and excitement and started calling me “extra” so I just radically embraced this and ran with it. Today I look up and I am surrounded by friends who also like to celebrate life like no other which has made the journey all the sweeter.

2. Accept that pain and vulnerability are just the price tags of caring. When I first opened my heart to Jesus I felt like I was suddenly stripped of all of my defenses. There was a sudden shift inside of me where I found myself naturally growing into a more sensitive, tuned-in person, aware of and caring about the emotions and experiences of the people around me. I have heard before that you can’t selectively numb emotions; trying to keep the bad out has a way of keeping the good out too and I feel like I’ve learned that first-hand. The more you are open and care the more you are susceptible to hurt and that is just the way it is.

3. Be consistent with self-care. It’s very hard to pour out of an empty cup. I check-in with myself multiple times throughout the day and make sure I am taking care of my own needs mentally, physically and emotionally.

4. Spend time with God. When I stay filled up spiritually by spending time with God, I find myself more naturally feeling loving and patient towards others. The days when I make it a point to immerse myself in prayer, journaling, worship and reading the Word there is a protective container around my heart that empowers me to keep going even when things feel really hard.

5. Tease out the details and create boundaries accordingly. I have begun to notice there are three components present in whatever I’m dealing with: my feelings/actions/reactions, the other person’s feelings/actions/reactions and then the communal space of the situation between us. Trying to own my truth and also allowing them to own theirs while using boundaries to respectfully manage how much I want to give, say, etc. in the shared space between us allows freedom and authenticity in the vast majority of situations.

6. Evaluate my actions and stop taking things so personally. Am I giving just to get? We are all human so it’s hard to do things completely selflessly but trying to make sure that I’m doing things just because I want to regardless of the response has helped me a lot. The majority of people are just caught up and trying to manage their lives the same way I am and things are rarely personal. Easing up off myself and others has taken an immense weight off of shoulders. As one finite being, there’s only so much I can do for anyone and only so much anyone else can do for me.

What is your perspective on seeking to do good and what helps you keep going when it feels difficult?

Regardless of people’s reactions or the disappointments along the way, please continue to give. The world needs what you have ❤

xoxo, Danielle

Single for the First Time (My Story, part 2)

October 8, 2019April 26, 2021Faith, Healing, Singleness, tipsLeave a Comment

First time in San Francisco with one of my best friends, a few weeks into my process in September 2015.

This is a part 2 to the post where I covered the immediate steps I took the first few weeks after breaking my constant pattern of relationship/situation-ships.

Part 2 is perhaps more practical and applicable, covering some of the intentional things I did that helped set the stage for a fresh start and helped open the door to a new life.

I listened primarily to ambient music only. Ambient music is a collection of flowing rhythms and beats, usually without any lyrics. This genre sparked my interest because I didn’t want to listen to music that would be suggestive to my subconscious and lead me to dwell on negative emotions. I believe the power of music is strong and I didn’t want to be subjected to receiving repetitive themes of missing someone, being lonely, wanting someone back or just wanting love in general. This strong boundary I created around the music I allowed myself to consume helped me immensely and enabled me to relax into the healing power of music without absorbing the intense emotions artists are capable of imparting through their words.
I poured my energy into cultivating things of beauty. At the time I had just moved into a new apartment, which was essentially a blank canvas at the time. I literally started out with nothing other than a blow-up mattress and I was excited to dive deep into the entire experience of turning my new space into a home. I ended up creating an oasis of tranquility which I still cherish to this day. I drew inspiration from Pinterest and took my time; enjoying many little trips browsing stores for things that would help me create the laid-back, cozy and inviting vibe I desired. I also did a ton of cooking and baking during this time. I have always enjoyed being in the kitchen but during this time, the calming and fun process of learning how to make new and yummy creations felt extra therapeutic, enjoyable and empowering. I also did a lot of totally meticulous, mind-numbing art projects just for enjoyment and mental distraction. I went to the art store one day and dropped about $100 on paint, blank canvases, different fabrics, materials and textures. I made sure each project consisted of mindless activity that wasn’t too much to focus on yet was tedious and would keep my brain occupied instead of allowing it to wander wherever it felt like. I made a room divider completely from scratch out of hemp string among several other things and I was super proud of my little creations.
I cleansed myself of any items tying me to the past. One morning I woke up at around 5 am and got the strong urge to get rid of everything from the past. Letters, pictures, and even certain pieces of lingerie just had to go. I got McDonalds breakfast before the sun came up and drove through the hills until I reached one of my favorite look-out points on the top of Mulholland Drive. I sat on the hood of my car admiring the view and the quiet of the morning. After moments of contemplation and knowing that this chapter was finally closed, I dumped everything into the trashcan up there just as the sun began to rise over the city. This wasn’t done from an emotional or spiteful place but more because I knew deep down it was just the right thing to do.
I journaled prolifically. I have always enjoyed writing and have kept journals since I was a teenager. During this time the deepest thoughts, experiences and questions I had to the most mundane details of my day; it all went down on paper. And I loved every moment of it.
I went on sweet adventures with the people I love. I allowed myself to be captivated by the wonder of new environments. Most memorably during this time, I spent time with one of my best childhood friends exploring San Francisco for the first time. I also took a spontaneous day trip with one of my girlfriends down to San Diego where we marveled at the beauty and majesty of La Jolla.

I look back at this time with such fond memories. It was a time of taking chances; walking bravely into the unknown and encountering some of my deepest fears but ultimately finding out that everything was okay; it was actually way better than just okay. We were created to be far more resilient than we think we are.

Now you tell me! What are some of the experiences you’ve had after ending a relationship(s) or just making a major change in your life? What are your fears, struggles, triumphs? I love you, believe in you and I’m cheering for you to win ❤

Single for the First Time (My Story, Part 1)

September 23, 2019April 20, 2021Faith, Healing, Singleness1 Comment

Spending time in the Colorado mountains days before making one of the biggest decisions of my life; to become truly single for the first time ever. September 2015.

All my life, I was the girl who was never without a guy. From age 15 to 24 I was in a serious, long-term relationship. That relationship ended. For the three years following that, I lived my life indulging in unrestrained freedom; doing literally whatever I felt like doing. I dated and did my thing at my discretion.

It all looked like fun on the surface but I could feel my recklessness catching up with me. Why did I have zero peace; in my mind and in my heart?

The weight of the darkness I had dabbled in all in the name of YOLO, the bottomless pit of emptiness and the looming feeling of the purposelessness of my life were things that nice makeup and a bright white smile couldn’t conceal anymore.

Even the Facebook pictures chronicling my escapades began to feel weighty and fake and made me wonder; “what am I doing all of this for? I’m not happy.”

There was so much evidence showing me I needed to break off from my latest guy and make some serious life changes. I felt invisibly chained to my own patterns and circumstances; powerless to move forward.

I was stuck between wanting desperately to change my life but being completely horrified to do so.

I found myself turning to an unlikely source, a Christian friend; the only one I had at the time. I wasn’t the type to ever willingly step foot inside the doors of a church. I didn’t even know whether I believed in God or not but I was at the end of my rope.

My friend was very uplifting and seemed to always do the right thing. I’d never even heard her curse. It appeared to me that she had her life together, so I felt like maybe she could give me good advice. I believe God used her to do just that. I asked her:

“Do you think God rewards us when we do the right thing…even if it’s something that’s really hard for us to do?”

She responded with a sweet and certain “yes.”

Her simple answer was all of the assurance I needed to have confidence that there was something better waiting for me; if only I could be brave enough and strong enough to do what I knew needed to be done.

This teeny tiny bit of hope I felt was my “mustard seed of faith” (Matthew 17:20) and at that time, that was all I needed.

I took the leap and cut off all of the random guys in my life.

Less than three months later, I accepted Christ.

I thought it may be useful to write out my journey for anyone who may feel a hard tugging on their heart to leave someone (or multiple someones).

I urge you, sister-to-sister: if you have that nagging “knowing” feeling deep down inside of you that you need to break up or leave the situation-ship that is draining you way more than it is lifting you up but you feel totally stuck, I hope this gives you just enough hope as my friend did with me to believe that better days are ahead. No matter how scary it may feel right now, if you jump, Christ will catch you and help you every step along the way. You are not alone, uncared for or unloved. This I know.

So, here are my stumbling, fumbling first few weeks of being single for the first time ever. I didn’t know what I was doing at all so this is not a blueprint or advice as much as it is encouragement that if Miss Always-Got-A-Man could do this, anyone can.

There was no real plan, method or rationale to my process but this is what I did:

I Went Cold Turkey

After making the necessary phone call and having the final conversation, I blocked the number. A little while after, I lost my cellphone and took that as an organic opportunity to get not only a new phone but a new phone number. I blocked all social media. I was serious and I knew I needed to do a hard reset.

I Sat in My Feelings

I let all I felt wash over me without hiding or distracting myself. I didn’t “get under someone new to get over someone else.” I forced myself to stay alone in the discomfort of the fear, the sadness, the quietness. I cried and punched my pillow and I just let it all flow.

Since I never took time for myself in between guys, I was not just feeling the absence of the latest one but instead I was finally feeling the weight of every man left behind that I had always just numbed by jumping right to the next one.

3. I Rested Unapologetically

I remember feeling like a cellphone with the charge on zero percent. My job at the time alternated between being super busy and then having huge amounts of downtime where I didn’t work so I was afforded the opportunity to do nothing for a pretty long span of time. I did a lot of nothing.

There were long stretches of days where I didn’t leave my apartment, turn on the lights or even open up the blinds. I let my body sleep for as long as it felt like it. I was determined to detox completely from the habit of always having someone there for entertainment and validation. I wanted to break the physical addiction of automatic access to comfort and pleasure.

I Slowly Started Seeking Light and Safe Stimulation

After a few weeks of literal hibernation, I slowly began to visualize in my mind that my battery, previously dead, was now slowly turning into a thin green line of charge but I still wasn’t really desiring any major interaction with the outside world.

I started surfing YouTube for some light-hearted entertainment and landed on the Hodgetwins YouTube channel. I would binge watch video after video and just laugh. I started incorporating nightly trips to the Del Taco drive-thru during this time & filled up on whatever I wanted which at the time mostly consisted of a few vegetarian hard tacos, French fries and a large Coke Zero.

I Stuck to My Guns and Resisted the Strong Temptation to Reach out

I remember at exactly the one-month mark when I was enjoying what had become my typical nightly indulgence of Hodgetwins and Del Taco when out of nowhere I suddenly felt a strong and forceful push urging me to reach out to the same guy I was completely certain that I needed to move on from.

I logically knew that wasn’t good for me and most confusing of all, I knew it wasn’t even what I actually wanted to do. It was the strangest sensation of feeling as though I was being violently and repetitively bullied by a force outside of myself to do something that would actually cause me harm.

At the time I knew nothing about God or the bible or anything but after white-knuckling it through the abnormally extreme intensity of the mental torment of that night, I now believe that this was my first clear and memorable experience with spiritual warfare.

When I woke up the next morning after conquering the battle raging inside my mind that night, the overwhelming urge to reach out to or see that person had lifted completely and it never returned again. I had passed the test. It was James 4:7 playing out in real time.

….Part 2 Coming Soon!