In just a few hours the year 2020 will officially be coming to a close. Of course there’s a lot that can be said about this year. Regardless of what you’ve been thorough, if you’re reading this, through the good and the bad, you’re still alive; there’s still hope for better days ahead 🙂
I’ve been reflecting a lot on all that this year has meant to me and I keep coming back to all of the lessons I’ve learned. Some of them are deeply personal and there’s way more than the 20 listed below. I picked out the ones I felt could be most helpful and applicable to others and in the spirit of love and encouragement; I’ve shared them below.
20 Things I learned in 2020:
1. God is bigger than a broken heart.
Always has been, always will be. #keepgoing ❤
2. I’ve come to appreciate the blessing of “boring” days.
Before 2020 my life was usually running at 100mph. An entire day passing by with nothing significant happening felt like a loss and would induce feelings of guilt if I wasn’t making progress towards a goal or living some kind of exciting adventure. However, this year, after being forced to slow down, sit and think; I’ve really began to appreciate the days that go by without any trauma or drama.
“No news is good news” is what I’ve found myself saying so many times with all that ‘s been happening this year. I’ve felt extremely grateful for all of the little things. 1 Timothy 6:6-8 describes the perspective I want to hold onto: “Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content.”
3. I learned to ask myself “what are they getting out of this?”
Recently I was hanging out with a friend and her bae. I was telling them about a situation I was going through with someone in my life that was making me feel uncomfortable. Something was wrong and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it and wasn’t sure how to handle it. They both listened and then my friend’s man asked me flat out: “what is that person getting out of this situation with you?”
The simplicity of the question really hit me and as I attempted to sort out their potential motive, I was quickly able to identify why it was bothering me so much. I then had to think and ask myself if I wanted to and was even capable of filling the role they wanted me to play in their life. From there I was able to make the adjustments needed to remedy the situation.
4. It’s okay to take a break from social media and it’s okay to use it too.
It’s been quite a year online. I’m sure most people reading this have had their own unique experiences and frustrations this year. Needing a moment away is totally okay. If you’re a slow processor like I am, sometimes all of the information and constant connection to others can feel overwhelming. There’s no shame in not being constantly plugged in; though sometimes the pressure to keep up appearances online can be real.
On the other hand, at times, I also think social media can also be fun, creative and interesting. I just know personally I’ve spent a lot of time this year stressing about my own use of this platform and sometimes its easy to forget that it’s all totally optional and you’re in control of what you share and don’t share and what you take in and don’t take in.
5. Resilience and adaptability are key traits to master.
With all the openings and closings…and closing and openings…..and closings… of this year, having an attitude where you’re able to make a game plan and then totally scrap it and go back to the drawing board (multiple times) has been essential. At first, this really, really irritated me. I used to get attached to doing things a certain way and I’d get really annoyed if I had to adjust it and take a long time to finally force myself (begrudgingly) to go along with any change that I didn’t like.
That attitude got me nowhere fast this year. Major changes were happening rapidly whether I liked it or not and I was enrolled, along with everyone else in the world, in a crash course in Bouncing Back and Rolling with the Punches. These traits serve well not just dealing with all the strangeness of 2020 but for all aspects of work and life. I hated it at the time but now I am grateful for the new strength this year has built within me.
6. Don’t shut your brain off and just receive anything and everything said in church or bible studies from leaders or other believers.
Knowing the Word of God for yourself is crucial for several reasons. One major reason is so that you aren’t just a passive recipient of whatever anyone teaching says. If you hear something that sounds off to what you’ve read in the actual bible, don’t be afraid to dig, read and question extensively until you have a correct understanding that aligns with the truth of what’s being communicated in the biblical text in proper context. This helps protect you from being misled whether intentionally or unintentionally.
7. Don’t put leaders/pastors/mentors on a pedestal and be careful not allow anyone to put you on one either.
This year I experienced how jarring it can be when people I’ve looked up to shattered my perception of them by revealing themselves to be all too human. I’ve also felt the weight of not living up to others’ expectations of me. There is a process of mourning and picking up the pieces after experiences like that but, ultimately it taught me:
8. No one is responsible for or capable of fixing, changing, saving and/or healing me and I am not responsible for or capable of fixing, changing, saving and/or healing anyone.
I learned that we can love, respect and learn from one another but when someone else takes a God-like position in my life or I take that kind of position in theirs, the outcome is inevitably going to be pain because we weren’t designed or meant to have that kind of influence over one another.
9. I realized how much perfectionism was paralyzing me and I got free by purposely doing things “imperfectly.”
This is not to be confused with doing things poorly but doing things in a way that appears to yield less significant results than you’re used to. For example, if I didn’t feel like reading because I didn’t have time to finish a whole chapter, I forced myself to just read a few pages and then put the book away. Or if I didn’t feel like doing a full workout, I would just do something short and be done with it.
In the past, the idea of doing things like this would drive me crazy because my attitude was “why do anything at all if you aren’t going to go full out with it;” which would push me to the extremes of exhausting myself with doing everything and feeling overwhelmed or simply doing nothing at all. Finding that middle-ground of just doing “some” of something was tough at first but it really is practicing these baby steps more frequently that is allowing me to improve in so many areas of life.
10. There’s purpose in pain & sometimes the purpose takes years to finally make any sense.
Sometimes it’s during the extremely long time-lapse between when things fell apart and when they ultimately come together that the loss of hope can truly set in. Like “why did this all have to happen? I see no better days anywhere in sight.” But like I’ve heard before, “if you’re going through hell, just.keep.going.” I know so many people who can attest to this and I can as well.
11. I stopped taking red flags as “caution signs” but now recognize them as “stop right now” signs.
Throughout a lot of my life when I would have a funny feeling about someone or something, I would stay in the situation but I would “proceed with caution.” Looking back at it, every situation like that I’ve ever been in, I knew something was off but I still let it continue. I wouldn’t trade it because going through those situations is how you gain wisdom.
However, now I’ve begun to take those intuitions as God giving me the heads-up to just shut the situation entirely down. I’ve learned you can put out a fire at the first sign of smoke and you don’t have to wait until the whole house is literally burning down in front of your face.
12. Some very humble advice reminded me of what is most important.
Recently, I was lucky enough to meet with a successful professional in the film industry and he encouraged me to keep going on my path. What he told me really hit my heart in a way I didn’t expect.
What did he tell me? Take this or that class? Make sure to get into this circle and network with so-and-so? No. His advice:
“Stay in the word of God daily.”
The best advice I have ever received. #priorities ❤
13. When I was little, my grandma told me, “if you only ever have one true friend in this lifetime consider yourself lucky.” This year those words really sank in.
Maybe it was the general ugliness of a lot of this year but lately I’ve really felt deeper gratitude in the gravity of the blessing of having even just one real, true, genuine friendship in this life and I’ve felt a more intense appreciation for all of my loved ones.
14. I’ve learned a question to ask myself to gently push myself to grow more.
I was recently offered an amazing opportunity to work on a project I felt very passionate about. I knew the project would need and deserve my time, dedication and best efforts. I was excited but I was slightly hesitant and took a little time deciding if I would accept the job; it would require a lot of research on my part and it would require me stretching my current skill set.
While deciding; I asked myself: “is it that this is too hard or is it just challenging?” I concluded that it was definitely not “hard” but definitely challenging. Challenging in a good, sharpening way.
So, I said yes. : )
15. I learned that seeking to possess the traits listed in Galatians 5:22-23 actually help us weather the storms of life.
“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!” These traits are commonly referred to as “the fruit of the Spirit.” I think this is a beautiful list but would sometimes roll my eyes at the characteristics where I felt like I lacked because I knew I could and should be doing better.
However, 2020 taught me that the more patience and self-control I have, the easier the hard times have been. The more joy and love I have, the more I’ve been able to find the sweet moments and gratitude in daily life in the midst of the monotony of quarantine.
16. When I feel overwhelmed or am tempted to be lazy with the opportunities coming my way, I’ve reframed my thinking to look at these things as beautiful tasks that God is entrusting me with.
I don’t have to do these things; I get to do these things. Things I’ve dreamed of. Things I’ve prayed for. Things the struggles I’ve had have prepared me to be capable of handling. And I get the opportunity to participate and add my voice and efforts to life on this earth. The world will keep spinning without any of the things I contribute but I get to partake in this. And I want to honor that.
17. God knows infinitely better than us what we are ready for and what we can handle.
I found out a lot of times over this past year that I’ve both overestimated and underestimated my readiness for certain things in life. There’s been things I’ve been given the chance to do and I’ve said, “wait God, already? I’m not ready”… only to take the opportunity and feel total peace and comfort in the driver’s seat and able to handle the situation.
Then, there’s been other things where I’ve been like “God! I was ready a YEAR ago…what’s up”…but the thing still has yet to happen. I’ve gotten to the point where I am relinquishing control of feeling like I know the timeline for my life better than God because too many instances have proven that I don’t. #trust #surrender
18. And not being “ready” isn’t a bad thing.
It’s not a reflection or statement on our worth, character, maturity level, lovability, skills, potential, etc. As a child of God, your worth is fixed and doesn’t fluctuate based on the events of life and what you have or don’t have. “Not ready” means literally not ready with no subtext hidden within it. It’s just not time and that’s totally fine.
19. This year I grew a much deeper understanding of Matthew 20 25-28 and an even greater appreciation for Jesus’s approach to leadership:
“But Jesus called them together and said, ‘you know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
20. I’ve acquired a more balanced, realistic and peaceful relationship with my body.
I can’t pinpoint exactly how or when it happened but somewhere along the line during quarantine something miraculous happened: I stopped hating on my body. I’ve always taken care of my appearance and loved many things about what I saw in the mirror but the fuel behind the self-care was often an underlying bullying towards myself; zeroing in mercilessly on what I didn’t like and trying to “fix” it.
I credit a big part of this change to a precious friend that I’ve done workout accountability with throughout the whole pandemic. She’s encouraged my victories and cheered me on during my times of inconsistency as well. This has given me the security to know that my wins are great and if I fall off a little, there’s no shame and to get back to it with no condemnation. I’ve began taking inventory of all I love about my body; the way it looks, feels and all it does for me on a daily basis as I experience life.
Judging our bodies so harshly is like throwing away our entire wallet just because a $1 bill fell out. I can’t take credit for that saying; I don’t remember where I heard it. But essentially, it’s crazy to beat ourselves up about our perceived imperfections when our hearts beat, our eyes see, ears hear, hands can hold and feet can walk…if we’re fortunate enough to have those capabilities…we are beyond blessed and our bodies are amazing.
So that is all I have to close out this crazy, historical year. Things certainly won’t magically change when the clock strikes midnight but I definitely think there’s beauty in giving thanks for the lessons learned and pushing optimistically into the future.
xoxo ❤
Danielle
makemerealmovement.com 